7 Days To Die: My diary of how [not] to survive the zombie apocalypse

Day 1. I find myself in the woods, the sun is shining through the trees, a rabbit hops past and a deer, its like a scene from Bambi. This isn’t so bad really, its just like going camping.

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Is this, like, a wuss simulator?

Oh my god what the hell is that? Probably, someone else taking a walk in the woods, drunk. I need to chop this tree down and harvest some lumber supplies so I can get crafting. I have no axe. While I’m trying to punch the tree down the drunk trail walker, grabs me from behind. She smells awful. “Er, hey, I’m kinda busy right now but we could take a swim after you sober up, several swims maybe. OW No TEETH!” She bites me in the neck and I die. Oops.

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We both swiped right

Day 2. So now I’m in a place that looks so toxic Chernobyl said “Fuck this, I’m out” and left. Really need to craft an axe still. I creep around, I wont make the same mistake as before, there are zombies here. Not drunks. Zombies. I really need a drink. I’m literally dying of thirst now and my back is sore from all this crouching.

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Oh Crap

Screw it I’m going to drink from this pond. Okay water problem solved, an icon of a butt pooping delicately breaks the news to me I have gastrointestinal poisoning and I am pooping my pants. I wonder if the zombies can smell me. Moot point, I am stung by a giant wasp and die.

7 days to die

That place looks totally legit

Day 3. After a camp-fire breakfast of boiled eggs I make my way back to my corpse to retrieve my backpack. I wonder if it will still be there. I am stung by the same giant wasp and die.

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Eating this boiled egg is sure to sort out my gastro problems

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This is the end, my only friend the end

Day 4. Screw the backpack, too dangerous. I go the opposite direction find a bunch of supplies in a house. I am bitten by a zombie dog and die.

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If only I had crafted a rolled up newspaper

Day 5. I find a pickaxe. We are in business. I find a building, I think its some sort of industrial building, I pickaxe my way into a boarded up room as night falls.

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Zombies, why did it have to be zombies

Jesus, those zombies are fast at night. They are really smashing the place up. I barricade the doorways with bricks. Lets see those zombies get through that. My pick axe breaks. I’ll just punch my way out.

Day 6. Much punching.

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Yeah, crafting bitch!

Day 7. Finally punch my way out of the stone bunker I built as dawn breaks on the 7th day. Victory!

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It’s a new dawn, it’s new day, it’s a new life….

A fat zombie is on the stairs, bitch slaps me in the face and I die.

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“Give me a fucking break!” “Lol okay.”

Day 8. Change difficulty to easy and restart.

Day 14. …..

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Wasn’t so hard, now I run a post zombie apocalypse Hobbit Ikea store, and what?

 7 days to die is available on Steam early access, it’s a lot easier when with a group and not totally fail at Minecraft.

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